Nightmares

Ever since we returned home from last week's big RSV scare, Liam has been waking up at night. This is nothing new, but what's different now is that it's a different type of cry.

It's not an "I'm hungry" cry, or an "I want to cuddle" cry. It's more like a scream of terror, like he is frightened out of his mind. Dave and I both think he's having recurring nightmares dreams about the hospital.

And to be honest, I can't blame him.

I, too, have been having problems falling asleep for the past few nights. As I described it to Dave last night, every time I close my eyes, I see the whole hospital saga replayed before my very eyes with still images in slideshow form. I constantly have flashbacks and the whole process gets played over and over in my head.

If this is what Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is like, I can only imagine what people who have witnessed real tragedy must go through!

A part of me may be scared that it will happen again, since all of this started at the crack of dawn, and now I have associated 4 am with impending doom. I believe that a bigger part of it is the fact that we spent time in the Intensive Care Unit. Boston's Children's Hospital has a 24 bed ICU, and to think that we were one of those 24 patients is a scary thing.

It is a very sad place to be. After the first day, I learned to keep my eyes straight ahead and not look into any of the rooms. It was too depressing. Even sadder is the fact that I never saw any parents or families in any of the rooms. How can kids can better without the love and support of their families? During the three days we were there, Liam was only without family for about 15 minutes total. I have no doubt that feeling someone close to him helped him to recovery more quickly.

I feel like our lives have definitely changed after having gone through such an experience. I learned more than I ever wanted to know about RSV, ICU's and hospitals in general.

I hope we never have to go back.  I am forever changed after the experience.